Why is it so hard to quit things that aren’t good for you? How come bad habits have so much control?
Why don’t I follow through more often when my still small voice warns me that what I’m about to do is nuts? Why, even when I hear what’s good for me do I say at times screw it and do it anyway, then regret it, feel shame, and start the cycle again?
When will I listen? Why does good change take so long? Why do I get restless, bored, so easily and quit?
Why am I more comfortable doing nothing? Why can’t I follow through on what I know is good for me?Why do I continue allowing dysfunction to win?Why is it easier to stay in my comfort zone then grow?
Why when I really really want to change do I fall back into my same routine only thinking about but not taking action?
Why am I so weak? What’s wrong with me? Why do I always fail?
After a lot of ongoing work I’ve boxed up these questions and put them on the top shelf in my closet. I’ll never completely make them disappear.
But….
Luckily I’m better at not letting the questions stop me from healing my wounds and moving forward.
Luckily I’ve proven to myself I am resilient. I am courageous. I am strong. I am loving and lovable. Heck I survived hell didn’t i?
Luckily I can and do move beyond pain, using my loss as a catalyst for healthy change.
Luckily I know feelings come and go like the wind. They don’t last forever.
Luckily I know I haven’t even tapped my full potential. I can feel it inside and I’m working my behind off to develop it, to give it a chance.
Luckily every time I take healthy action for my well being I know it changes my life for the good. It works. Yes it takes it old sweet time it feels like at times, but if I can hang on and quit being impatient it works.
Luckily now a days the questions pretty much stay on the shelf and don’t mess with me as often. Sure at times they fall off the shelf, but only on days I’ve eaten too much, or didn’t get enough sleep, or said yes too many times when no was the healthier response.
Luckily I’m kinder to myself. I get I’m human and as a human there’s no getting out of screwing up once in a while, and that those in my life will screw up once in a while, there’s no getting around that striving to be perfect opens the door for suffering. I finally get it and accept it. I give myself a break and others too more often.
I know my mind is relieved knowing the heart is finally in charge. Sure it doesn’t like the unknown. It hasn’t figured out the “why” stepping into the unknown when the heart says jump works. But the more I do it the more the mind relaxes and helps me just jump.
I love it how the heart and head tag team support and stop me from allowing doubt and fear to stop me in my tracks.
I am getting better each day. I know the questions will never completely disappear, but they don’t bug me as much!
Life is good. Even the mini hells I move through faster.
I am grateful.